Sushi for Carnivores
by loch.ness.princess
Summary: Nessie and Jacob end up eating lunch with three Cullen fangirls, much to Nessie’s displeasure. Oneshot.


**A/N: thank you for reading! No copyright infringement intended.**

Renesmee flicked a bouncy bronze curl over her shoulder expertly as she walked down the hallway, a child's cartoon-themed lunchbox swinging in her hand. Because of her unusual diet, she always packed her own, instead of pretending to eat cafeteria food.

A tall, imposing figure fell into step beside her. Renesmee smiled briefly at Emmett, who winked at her, and then they continued their silent walk down the hallways. This was one of Renesmee's favorite parts of the school day—the Cullen's procession to the cafeteria. When they walked together, the students parted like the Red Sea; when they passed, the gossiping died down to murmurs. It was like being a celebrity. It _was_ being a celebrity.

Renesmee lifted her chin proudly as Alice and Edward filed silently out of their classroom, backpacks slung over their shoulders. There was a brief round of nods, and for a moment the vampires' heads bobbled like parrots'.

"Enjoying the spotlight, Nessie?" Edward murmured, amused. Alice, next to Renesmee, began to swing her hips exaggeratedly, flouncing down the hallway as if it were a catwalk. Edward and Emmett laughed and rolled their eyes as Renesmee linked arms with Alice and joined in.

"Where are the twins?" Emmett asked.

"Don't let Rosalie hear you say that," Edward chuckled.

"Fine. Where are the people who bear a startling resemblance to each other but are in no way related?"

"Art class," Edward said. "They're doing watercolors."

Emmett snickered. "I bet that's going well." The four of them laughed; although Rosalie was a decent artist, she wasn't good with paints, and that frustrated her. Jasper was altogether hopeless at art, a fact that his siblings delighted in informing him of.

As they ambled down the hallway, they found their path blocked by a group of students pouring out from a classroom. Instead of forcing their way through and risking hurting someone by accident, the Cullens paused as the chattering group passed them. Within the crowd was a familiar brown face.

Jacob stumbled from the mass of people, and Renesmee lost no time in scuttling over to him, beaming.

"Hi, Jake!" she half-shouted. Why she was being so loud, she didn't know, but for some reason she was extremely glad to see him.

"Hi, Nessie!" he shouted back, with equal enthusiasm. Most of the onlookers were staring. Emmett, Edward, and Alice weren't bothering to stifle their laughter.

"Hi, Emmett!" Jacob yelled, waving his hand in the air frantically. Emmett waved back but did not speak, ending the joke.

Jacob fell into step with the Cullens as they walked towards the lunchroom. "So, Ness," he asked, in a normal tone, "how has your day been?"

"Great, thanks," Renesmee said brightly, accidentally hitting Edward with her lunchbox. The next thing she knew, the lunchbox had been snatched out of her hand, and Edward was inspecting it.

"Batman?" he said, turning the metal box over in his hands. "Since when do you like Batman?"

"Since I had that cold two weeks ago and had to stay home," she responded. "I spent the whole day watching cartoons."

"That might explain why you've been singing the theme song ever since," he mused dryly, giving her back the box.

"No, that was just to annoy you," she said cheerfully. Edward rolled his golden eyes but smiled nevertheless.

They five of them wheeled around the corner into the school's cafeteria. Renesmee broke from the group and went to go sit at the Cullens' usual table by the windows, which was never occupied by anyone else.

Except for today. Because today, there was a trio of girls with glossy hair and fashionable outfits seated at the Cullens' table, each of them with a lunch tray in front of them. Renesmee quickly flipped through her mental catalogue of names. She recognized these girls. Darcy Batten, Jenna Faulkner, and Liz Robinson were all in her English class. They often texted underneath their desks, and Renesmee's ears were sharp enough that she could hear the rapid _tick-tick-tick_ of the buttons being pushed with annoying clarity.

Renesmee was a bit stunned. Nobody had ever taken the Cullens' table before—it was usually given a very wide berth. Still, it seemed rude to demand that they move, so she began to scan the room for another empty table.

There wasn't one. Although it was stupid, Renesmee felt a twinge of fear in her stomach. The rest of her family was still in the lunch line, and she couldn't just go sit down at a different table. She had no friends outside of her family.

Her dilemma was solved –or perhaps worsened—by the sound of Liz's voice behind her. "Oh, sorry—did we take your table?"

Renesmee turned and found all three of the intruders smiling at her—not in a snide way, but in a friendly way. How very bizarre.

"Everywhere else was full," Liz continued. "Sorry about that."

"Oh, it's alright," Renesmee said instinctively. "I'll just… um…" she made a move to walk away, feeling flustered.

"Hey!" Darcy said, flicking dark brown tresses over her shoulder. "Why don't you sit with us?"

"Oh, um…" It seemed rude to refuse, so Renesmee pulled out a chair and sat down awkwardly. "Thanks."

"No prob," Darcy said casually. She looked past Renesmee's head, and her voice became very flirty. "You can sit here too, if you want."

The chair next to Renesmee was jerked out roughly as someone set a tray piled with food in the place across from Jenna Faulkner. Renesmee felt a rush of relief. There was only one person who would dare to consume that many calories in one sitting, and that was Jacob. She was saved.

"Hey there," Jacob said cheerfully. Liz, Darcy and Jenna all seemed a bit stunned –Renesmee couldn't tell if it was whether Jacob had actually sat with them, or if their silence was due to the amount of food that Jacob had taken—but they overcame their shock quickly.

"Hey," Liz breathed, twisting a strand of hair around her finger idly. Renesmee grimaced.

"Hungry much, Jake?" she asked, pointing at his tray in an attempt to divert Liz's attention.

He grinned and shoveled a forkful of food into his mouth. "A little," he mumbled. He eyed the three girls opposite him, whose trays only had salads with low-fat Italian dressing on them. "Don't you get hungry?" he asked, motioning to their leafy lunches.

"Don't you get fat?" Jenna countered quickly. _Lame_, Renesmee thought.

"Elephantine," Jacob joked. Renesmee saw the three girls quickly size him up. She grimaced again. Sitting with them had been such a mistake. Time for a little diversion.

Renesmee flipped her lunchbox lid open. Inside was a thermos filled with deer blood, a pair of chopsticks, and a Ziploc bag filled with raw meat cubes. The meat had been packaged with its own juice to retain moisture.

She slit the bag open and picked up a piece of dripping meat with her chopsticks. The intruders were instantly diverted.

"Eew!" Darcy shrieked. "What is that?"

"It's just sushi," Renesmee said calmly.

"No, it isn't. Sushi has rice and fish." Darcy leaned in. "Is that raw meat?"

"Okay," Renesmee amended. "It's sushi for carnivores." She popped the meat in her mouth, smirking. Jacob laughed.

"Want some?" Renesmee asked innocently, offering him a piece. Jacob took the chopsticks from Renesmee's pale hand and ate the cube of raw meat. A bit of juice trickled down his chin.

"Jake, you've got blood—I mean, juice on your chin."

"Oops." Jacob wiped his mouth, nonchalant.

They were both suddenly aware of the three pairs of eyes fixed on them.

"What?" Jacob said.

"Um… nothing," Jenna said faintly.

There was an awkward silence.

"So, Nessie," Liz said, changing the subject abruptly. "Where'd you get your name?"

Renesmee, still playing oblivious, jerked her head at Jacob. "He nicknamed me Nessie, and it stuck."

"No, I mean your real name," Liz said. "What is it… Reneezmay, or something?"

"Renesmee," Renesmee corrected. "My mom made it up. It's a combination of my grandmothers' names."

"That's weird," Jenna interjected, licking the dressing off of her fork. Even though she herself often thought the same thing, Renesmee felt a twinge of annoyance at Jenna's flippancy. At the same time, though, she couldn't help feeling a little fond of her bizarre name. It was hers, after all.

"Hey," she said, a little harshly.

"Oh, sorry," Jenna said, sounding a little not-sorry. "Your parents are dead, aren't they? I didn't mean to—"

"It's alright," Renesmee said quickly.

"How'd you end up with the Cullens, anyways?" Darcy asked.

"Oh. Dr. Cullen's wife is my aunt. After my parents died, she took Edward and me in."

A dreamy look slid over Darcy's face at the mention of Edward's name.

"Oh, yeah. He's a year older than you, isn't he?"

"A little less than." Renesmee paused. "Why?"

"Just wondering," Darcy said, shrugging. Beside her, Jenna sighed distractedly and promptly blew Darcy's nonchalant façade to bits.

"God, he's gorgeous," she murmured.

"Who?" Renesmee asked, even though she already knew. "Edward?"

"Mm-hmm."

Renesmee twisted in her seat so that she could watch Edward, Bella and Alice making their way across the cafeteria, their lunches untouched. She felt the frustration mounting in her. Why, why, _why_ had she sat down with these humans?

"Urgh," she muttered. The others looked at her in surprise.

"Sorry," she said quickly. "It's just, you know, he's my brother."

"Oh, yeah." Jenna's expression looked even dreamier, and Renesmee could tell that she was fantasizing about living in the same house as Edward.

"So what's he like?" Darcy demanded eagerly.

"Edward? Umm… I don't know…" Renesmee looked to Jacob for help. "He's… he's…"

_A vampire?_ She stifled a quick snort of laughter, imagining their reactions to that bit of information.

"He's alright," Jacob offered. "Kinda quiet."

The three girls looked enamored.

"So does he like sports?" Liz asked.

"He must, with muscles like that," Darcy murmured.

"Not really," Renesmee said uncomfortably. It felt wrong to talk about her family to these girls. "He's a musician, mostly."

"What does he play?"

"Piano. About half of our family plays piano, actually, but he's the best at it by far."

"I'm taking up piano lessons immediately," Darcy announced. Renesmee desperately hoped that she was joking, but she doubted it. "Who else plays?"

"Rosalie's pretty good, and so is Emmett, even though he doesn't like it much, and Edward's been trying to teach Bella."

Liz looked very interested at the mention of Emmett's name. Renesmee stifled a groan and shoved another piece of meat into her mouth before someone could ask another question.

Unfortunately, her eating didn't stop the gossiping.

"Li-i-iz," Jenna said tauntingly, poking her friend in the shoulder. "You're going all red."

"Shut up," Liz said, without any real venom. She was indeed quite pink.

"Aww," Darcy cooed. "Liz has a crush on Emmett. How cute."

"Shut up!"

"Jake, you've got something at the corner of your mouth," Renesmee said distractedly, lifting a hand to wipe the sauce from Jacob's mouth. As soon as her fingers made contact with his face, she began to show him her frustration, impatience, and disgust.

He nodded. "Just let me finish, 'kay?"

The three girls sitting across from them were watching the two of them closely. Renesmee realized, with a start, that her fingertips were still on Jacob's face. She lowered her hand hastily and took a swig from her thermos.

"You two live together too, don't you?" Jenna said, waggling a finger at them.

"Um. Yes," Renesmee said awkwardly.

"Are you dating?" she demanded.

"Jenna!" Darcy said, looking horrified.

"Oh, stop acting like you don't want to know, Darce. Every time those two go past, you say something about it." Jenna turned back to Renesmee and Jacob and said, "So, are you?"

"I'm ignoring that question," Jacob said, licking the strawberry frosting off of the cupcake that he had been given.

"Well, I'm just asking."

He shrugged. "And I'm just not answering. Is that okay with you?"

Jenna's brown eyes narrowed. "Yeah, it's fine, I guess."

"Great." Jacob finished his cupcake and threw the empty wrapper onto the tray. "Well, it's been fun, but we have to get out of here."

Renesmee had leapt to her feet before he had finished his sentence.

"What've you got next?" Darcy asked, clearly desperate to continue the conversation for a few more minutes.

"Biology," Rensmee said shortly, "but it's blood testing. We're skipping."

"Skipping?" Jenna looked at Renesmee calculatingly. "But you're such a…" her voice died out as she searched for a new term.

Renesmee quashed her irritation at Jenna's pause and said, in her lightest tone, "Well, my dad always said that the occasional skip day was good for you." Then, before they could say anything else, she grabbed Jacob's hand and pulled him away from the table.

As they walked away, she could hear the girls putting their heads together and gossiping further.

"See? I told you!" Darcy said. "She grabbed his hand. They are totally dating!"

"Yeah, but they're, like, best friends," Jenna countered. "She's always doing stuff like that."

"She's always doing stuff like that _because they're dating_!" Darcy hissed.

"Jenna's right, though," Liz commented. "We'll just have to wait for more evidence." Renesmee sneaked a glance while Jacob was disposing of his lunch tray and saw that the three girls were watching them carefully.

"And if they aren't dating," Liz continued, "I have dibs!"

"What happened to Emmett?" Jenna snickered.

"Like I could compete with the blonde," Liz snapped. "Be realistic."

"You want realistic? You can't compete with _that_, either." Renesmee could feel their gazes zeroed in on her, and she knew that by _that_, Jenna meant her. She could feel the jealous anger building in her. While she and Jacob weren't dating , that was liable to change soon, and she didn't want anyone thinking that he was available. Especially not those three. They were more like fangirls than potential girlfriends.

"Ready?" Jacob asked cheerfully, appearing at her side.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here." Renesmee slid an arm around Jacob's waist and began to steer him towards the doors.

"What's this?" he asked curiously.

"Just play along," she said grumpily.

"Okay." Jacob shrugged and put an arm around her shoulders. "If Edward or Bella sees us, you're going to do the explaining."

Behind them, Renesmee could hear Darcy saying, "See? See? _I told you so!_"

"Back to Emmett, huh, Liz?" Jenna laughed a little unkindly.

"Don't act like you aren't disappointed, too," Liz snarled. Renesmee, feeling very satisfied, threw an extra swing into her hips so that she jostled Jacob as they walked, making it into more of a "best friends" walk and less of a "deeply in love" one. Because she wasn't deeply in love—not yet, anyways.

As soon as they had exited the cafeteria, Renesmee pulled away from Jacob and began her ranting.

"I cannot _believe_ them!" she snarled. "What am I? The Cullen family agent?"

"No, but you did sit with them," Jacob pointed out, laughing. "It's your own fault."

Renesmee was hitting him over the head with her lunchbox when Edward, Alice, Emmett, and Bella rounded the corner.

"Get him, Nessie!" Emmett shouted immediately.

"Bella! Help!" Jacob called, raising his arms to shield his head from the blows.

"Wow… death by Batman lunchbox," Edward said dryly. "What a way to go."

"I like Batman," Alice said idly, watching the scene with mild interest. "He reminds me of Jasper."

"Are you saying that Jasper has a car like the Batmobile?" Renesmee asked, pausing her lunchbox-swinging. "Because if he does, I am totally stealing it."

"I wish," Alice said dryly. "Actually, it's just the way Batman speaks—you know, sort of dry and stoic. Batman's a soldier, too."

"You're really weird," Jacob muttered, rubbing his head.

"Like you're one to talk!" she cried. "Hit him again, Nessie."

Renesmee swung the lunchbox playfully, missing Jacob's head by about a foot.

"Right," Emmett said, chuckling. "I don't want to have to talk my way around any teachers, so let's find the twins and get out of here before lunch ends."

Someone whacked him viciously over the head.

"We… are… NOT TWINS!" Rosalie snarled, emphasizing her words with blows.

"Jeez. Are all the women in this family on a head-hitting craze today, or what?" Emmett asked, pulling Rosalie's blue binder, which she had decorated with small silver stars, out of her hands.

"Sure," Alice said brightly. "Why not?" She tugged Rosalie's binder out of Emmett's hands and hit him with it enthusiastically.

"Ow! Why me?" he complained.

"You don't hit back," she said, shrugging as though this were obvious.

Emmett punched Alice's shoulder lightly enough that it would not make too loud of a sound. She skidded backwards on the linoleum tiling from the force of the impact and slammed into the wall. Although the Alice-shaped dent would (probably) not be noticeable to human eyes, the thick web of cracks that emerged along the cinderblock would be harder to explain away.

"Idiots," Edward muttered. Emmett snickered until Jasper brushed past him to help Alice to her feet.

"You're dead," Alice announced placidly.

"Crap," he grumbled. "Would it help if I told you that she started it?"

"No," Jasper said, smiling in a disconcerting manner.

"Can we go already?" Bella asked impatiently. She began to herd her siblings towards the door. They walked out of the double doors and into the fog that had settled during the lunch hour.

"So, how is everyone going to spend their free afternoon?" Rosalie asked conversationally.

"Shopping!" Alice squealed.

"Getting beaten up by Jasper," Emmett said dully. Jasper laughed in a not-very-reassuring way.

"How about you, Nessie?" Bella asked.

"Haven't decided yet," Renesmee answered breezily. "I'll probably just hang out with Jacob."

Alice looked very interested.

"What?" Renesmee snapped, aggravated.

"Nothing," Alice drawled.

"Not you, too," Renesmee moaned. "I just put up with an interrogation from three Cullen family fangirls, and now I have to listen to you, too?"

"Okay, fine…" Alice said, sighing. "I'll put off the interrogation until later, then. But only because I love you."

"Thank you," Renesmee said, with as much dignity as she could muster.

"But there _will_ be an interrogation. Make no mistake about that."

"Can't you just see what I'm going to tell you and spare me?"

"No," Alice said. "I like watching you squirm." She slid into the passenger seat of Edward's Volvo and shut the door firmly. Renesmee watched the rest of her family climb into various cars and realized that there was nothing that she could to save herself. Instead of mourning her fate, she slid onto the back of Jacob's motorcycle, which Bella and Edward had grudgingly allowed her to ride.

Jacob revved the engine a bit more loudly than was necessary. "Where to?"

"How about the beach?" Renesmee asked. "I kinda feel like going to the beach. Even though it'll probably rain soon."

"The beach it is." Jacob swung the motorcycle around and accelerated out of the school parking lot. Renesmee could feel herself relaxing as they left the school behind. She was safe—safe from her nosy aunt and, more importantly, safe from nosy fangirls who pestered her with questions that she didn't want to answer… and didn't like the sight of her "sushi for carnivores."


End file.
